Oldham dad 'on the brink' before receiving parenting help

John Taylor said life as a single parent can be hard, particularly for fathers who may be more inclined to "bury" their emotions. 

The 39-year-old, who looks after his young son, said: "You can't be closed off because life is hard.

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"Men can be closed off because we are brought up to be hard and to not show our emotions.

"But to be able to go through hard times we also need that soft side.

"I've found that all those deep emotions that you bury, they leak out, and if you're shouting it's all the sadness from your past."

He continued: "I felt with me, I got to the point of depression and I almost lost the fight. I was giving up and I was sad all the time.

"My happy place was zero and I broke down in tears. I couldn't regulate my emotions I was so sad."

John said when he realised he felt "really low" he decided to attend parenting workshops and get support for his mental health via Oldham Council's Family Hubs, which has proved to be life-changing.

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The Family Links Nurture programme in the borough's family hubs seeks to give children the best start in life - and help parents how to manage their feelings and behaviours to achieve a more positive relationship with their child.

The service also provides 'triple P' discussion groups, to help parents manage behaviour problems and resolve conflict, while the Youth Connect 5 course helps children develop strong emotional wellbeing.

John has also been helped by the charity Point Send, which supports parents, carers, children and young people with special educational needs and disabilities, as well as NHS Oldham Talking Therapies, Tameside, Oldham and Glossop (TOG) Mind, First Choice Homes and Men Behaving Dadly, a charity for dads, male carers and their children.

John added: "You can't be on your own.

"The advice that you get and meeting other dads is invaluable and I don't feel sad anymore.

“People need to be aware about the services out there.

"When it comes to mental health the help is there, but sadly not everyone knows until it's too late.

"That's why there are so many suicides."

He added: "If I crumble, as a single parent there is no one else to pick my pieces up.

"But I feel stronger and I feel more confident as a parent.

"The support I have received has put a different perspective on parenting, helping to deal with behavioural issues and processing emotions."

John Taylor and parenting officer Joanna Bird (Image: Oldham Council)

Parenting Officers, Joanna Bird and Nicola Carnes, are pleased John embraced his time on the courses, resulting in him developing as a parent and taking steps to make changes for himself and his son every week.

Joanna said: "It has been a pleasure to see John go from a parent who was low in confidence and doubting his parenting ability to being able to recognise how his expectations of his son were impacting on his relationship.

"John has been an active and vocal part of the groups.

"He was not shy to discuss how his low mental health impacts on his ability to be consistent with parenting.

"He is now able to support others with their own parenting journey, with the tools he has learned on the parenting groups."

Nicola added: "John’s confidence and relationship with his son has blossomed and John has a better understanding of why his son might behave in certain ways and how he can handle this in a more constructive and positive way."

The Oldham Parenting Team is part of the 0-19 Right Start Service and there are four Parenting Officers based in each of the five districts in Oldham.

The Council's Family Hubs provide services and activities from a range of partner agencies including parenting support, maternity, infant feeding support and speech and language.

If you're struggling with your mental health or are in crisis, you can call Samaritans free of charge on 116 123 – they are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

You can also visit www.samaritans.org.